Information About Jewish Funeral Customs For Family Members
Click on each question to see the response
WHAT INFORMATION WILL I NEED TO PROVIDE WHEN A LOVED ONE PASSES?
Mount Sinai will need a number of vital statistics, including the departed’s Social Security number, parents’ names and birthplaces as well as other information in order to complete legally required documents and to have a complete record on hand to assist you. To ease this process, Mount Sinai has developed the Mount Sinai Memorial Record and Guide which is incorporated as part of our
Advance Planning Portfolio, which is available free by request. The Mount Sinai Memorial Record and Guide can be completed at any time, even many years in advance, and revised as circumstances change to assist you with your Jewish funeral planning.
HOW WILL WE SELECT A TIME AND DATE FOR THE FUNERAL?
We will work with your family and clergy to coordinate all of the details of the service at a time that is most convenient for you. While traditional Jewish funeral customs call for burial to take place as soon as possible, we understand that families today are often scattered around the country, so scheduling needs to be flexible. The customary time frame for scheduling a funeral service is as soon as possible after everyone arrives, usually within two to three days, however we do not hold funeral services on Saturday in observance of Shabbat (Jewish Sabbath). If you choose, we will post the service time and place on our website to help notify your family and friends in the community as well as provide you with a link to webpage that you can easily email to friends and loved ones.
WHO WILL OFFICIATE AT THE FUNERAL?
Most often a Rabbi or a Cantor will officiate the funeral, supported by one of our Mount Sinai Service Directors who will oversee all logistics of the service so you do not have to be burdened with all of the details. If you do not have an existing relationship with a Rabbi, or if your Rabbi is unavailable, we can assist by scheduling and introducing your family to a Rabbi or a Cantor whose religious orientation is compatible with your beliefs.
I WAS ADVISED TO CONTACT THE CHEVRA KADISHA INSTEAD OF MOUNT SINAI. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
According to traditional Jewish practices, the
Chevra Kadisha is an organization traditionally composed of volunteers who ensure that the bodies of Jews are prepared for burial according to
Halacha (Jewish law).
Today, in many ways, Mount Sinai functions as a Chevra Kadisha for the entire Los Angeles Jewish community by offering the traditional Jewish observances of Taharah (Ritual Washing) and Sh’mira (Watching over the Deceased and reciting Psalms). In addition, to offer assistance and comfort to our most traditional families, we will always help facilitate communications with various local Chevra Kadisha volunteer organizations throughout Los Angeles.
Please note that although there is a privately-owned mortuary in Los Angeles named “Chevra Kadisha Mortuary”, that establishment is not a volunteer society. For more information about the Chevra Kadisha services offered by Mount Sinai, please click HERE.
WHAT TYPES OF CASKETS CAN BE USED?
Jewish tradition dictates that the casket should be constructed of wood and must be totally free of metal. No nails, screws, or metal hardware can be in its workmanship. While a plain pine box is used by many traditional families today, caskets constructed from poplar, oak, cherry, maple, mahogany or any other type of wood are popular as well. The casket can be stained or unstained, polished or unpolished, and can be of various shapes.
However, for families who would like to consider other materials for caskets, please inform your Memorial Counselor and we are happy to show you additional options.
HOW SHOULD THE DECEASED BE CLOTHED?
The Rabbis teach us that all are created equal. In order to preserve that equality, there has evolved a two thousand year-old tradition of using Tachrichim, simple white shrouds, as burial garments as a traditional Jewish funeral custom. Over time, the use of burial garments has been expanded to allow for the deceased to be buried in the clothing of the family’s choice.
WHO CAN BE A PALLBEARER?
Jewish funeral custom includes pallbearers, who are asked to lovingly escort the deceased to the gravesite, are invited by the family and are usually those closest to the deceased. Individuals may also be chosen to be honorary pallbearers who will not carry the casket but will follow immediately behind. In very traditional practice, the pallbearers stop seven times during this journey to indicate their unwillingness to finally take leave of a loved one.
IS IT APPROPRIATE TO PLAY MUSIC OR SHOW A VIDEO DURING THE SERVICE?
According to your family’s wishes, music may be played in the chapel before, during and/or after the funeral service. You are welcome to choose appropriate music and bring it with you on the day of the service, or Mount Sinai’s Scores of Memory CD is available as are a number of other appropriate CDs. If you wish to show video footage, each of our memorial chapels is outfitted with a DVD player and several large screen monitors for easy viewing by your guests.
DO YOU HAVE TO BE JEWISH TO BE BURIED AT MOUNT SINAI?
We welcome interfaith families. If you are Jewish or are married to someone of the Jewish faith and you want to be buried together, we will take good care of you and your family. Please note, however, that non-Jewish symbols cannot be displayed anywhere on our property.
WHAT HAPPENS DURING THE ACTUAL SERVICE?
A Jewish funeral service is typically brief and simple, providing comfort by creating time and space for the mourners and the community to recall memories of the deceased and to express their sorrow. The service may be held in a chapel at the memorial park, in the synagogue, or at the gravesite.
The basic elements of a traditional service include the chanting of psalms and of El Malei Rachamim, followed by recitation of a hesped, a eulogy honoring the deceased. Many times, family members or close friends give a short speech about departed. Selected family members and friends may act as pallbearers to carry the casket, with others following. At the end of the service, all mourners recite the Kaddish prayer together.
HOW IS THE BURIAL CONDUCTED?
Mount Sinai respects the wishes of every family in regard to completion of the burial. Historical convention involves the mourners, family members and others attending the funeral who choose to participate, will shovel earth to cover the casket. One tradition is to use the back of the shovel, to show our unwillingness to perform this final act of separation. Another tradition is for each mourner to plant the shovel back in the mound of earth rather than hand the shovel to the next person. Other families request that the Mount Sinai staff complete this act. We are here to assist you in the manner that makes you most comfortable.
WHAT HAPPENS IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE FUNERAL?
After the service, Mount Sinai will provide your family a kit containing the 7 day shiva candles, minyan prayer books and yarmulkes for the shiva house as well as the remembrance cards filled out by your guests and thank you cards.
WHAT IS THE TRADITIONAL OBSERVANCE IN THE WEEK FOLLOWING THE FUNERAL?
Upon leaving the gravesite, the immediate family commences the seven day shiva period; they “sit shiva”. During this period meals are usually brought in for the family to allow them to focus on mourning. Family and friends typically pay what is called a “shiva call” to visit the family to bring food, company, comfort and a sympathetic ear. There is often a brief religious service each morning and/or evening. Each family chooses whether, how, and for how long, they will observe shiva. Again, it is the presence of friends and family at this time that is the most crucial to healing.
CAN I MAKE JEWISH FUNERAL PLANS BEFORE THE TIME OF NEED?
Planning a Jewish funeral ahead of time is truly a gift that you provide to your family which spares them from having to make difficult decisions during an extremely emotional time. Our Advance Planning representatives are always available to answer any questions you may have.
CAN SOMEONE WHO HAS A TATTOO BE BURIED AT MOUNT SINAI?
This is a question which we are often asked due to today’s popularity of tattoos. Please know that there is nothing in Jewish law which prohibits a person with a tattoo from being interred at Mount Sinai or any Jewish cemetery. In fact, in 2002, Rabbi Ben Zion Bergman answered this question for us. Please click this
LINK to see his response.
CAN A PERSON BE BURIED IN A JEWISH CEMETERY IF THEY COMMITTED SUICIDE?
The answer is yes. In earlier times, this ancient prohibition against doing so was based upon the conception of suicide as the conscious and willful taking of one’s life. Today, we view suicide as the result of mental and emotional desperation and, virtually by definition, an irrational, non-willful act. Therefore, even if all evidence points to suicide and even if that evidence satisfies the authorities as to the cause of death, our custom is to bury these individuals, to engage in mourning rituals for them, and to eulogize them appropriately.
CAN SAME SEX COUPLES BE BURIED AT MOUNT SINAI?
Yes, we welcome all members of the LGBTQ community. In the spirit of inclusivity, all married couples can be buried together. If you are Jewish or are married to someone of the Jewish faith, we will take good care of you and your family.
WHAT IS A YAHRZEIT DATE AND HOW DO I FIND IT?
Yahrzeit is Yiddish word meaning anniversary of a death. It is the yearly acknowledgement of a loved one’s passing traditionally observed on the Hebrew date, not the Gregorian date. Jews observe yahrzeit each year by reciting kaddish at synagogue and by lighting a special candle that burns for 24 hours. The candle/lamp is lit at sundown the evening before the civil date. To compute a yahrzeit date there are many online tools available including
Digital Yahrzeit where you can register to receive annual email notifications of the upcoming Yahrzeit observances.