What is Shiva? Understanding Jewish Mourning Traditions

The Sacred Seven Days of Mourning

Shiva is a Hebrew word meaning “seven” and refers to a seven-day period of formalized mourning by the immediate family of the deceased in Jewish tradition. The mourning process begins immediately after the burial and concludes a short time after the morning service (Shacharit) seven days later. It’s important to note that both the first and seventh days are considered partial days, yet they are included in the seven-day count.

Ancient Origins and Biblical Foundations

The Talmud (Sanhedrin 108b) holds that the practice originated prior to the Flood, which is described in the story of Noah in Genesis. The Rabbis of the Talmud cite Genesis 7:10 as the earliest instance of shiva: “And it came to pass, after the seven days, that the waters of the Flood were upon the earth.” The seven days, say the Rabbis, were a period of mourning for Methuselah, the oldest man who ever lived. In Genesis 50:10, the reference is made even more explicit when the text states: “And he [Joseph] mourned for his father [Jacob] for seven days.”

When Shiva is Interrupted

Jewish tradition teaches that there are times when shiva ends early. Some holidays interrupt the traditional timing for shiva. When certain holidays – Rosh HaShanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Passover or Shavuot – fall during the shiva period, shiva concludes when the holiday begins, provided the mourners have already had time for shiva. Shiva does not conclude early for other Jewish holidays. Shiva is paused for Shabbat.

Beginning Shiva: Washing of Hands

Before mourners and friends enter the home, tradition prescribes that they first wash their hands ritually, using a pitcher of water and a basin outside the front door. This custom is generally explained in one of four ways:

• When Jews buried their own dead, they washed their hands to prevent illness before returning home
• In ancient times, when an individual died of mysterious causes, the inhabitants of that city often washed their hands at the cemetery, symbolically affirming they had not shed innocent blood
• In later times, washing the hands became a ritual designed to wash off evil demons that some believed might have attached themselves at the cemetery
• A final rationale was to cleanse oneself from the ritual impurity associated with death and the cemetery

The Shiva Candle

Upon entering the house, a member of the family generally lights a shiva candle, which generally is provided by the funeral home and which will burn for seven days. Although many scholars feel that the custom originated in the 13th century, others hold that it emerged from the Italian kabbalists in the 17th century. Regardless of its beginnings, it is clear that the candle is intended to symbolize both the soul of the deceased and the Shechinah, the light of God’s presence. Scholars often cite Proverbs 20:27: “The light of Adonai is the soul of man.”

Physical Changes in the House of Mourning

Jewish tradition emphasizes two customs in particular that bear examination:

Low Stools or Boxes: It is customary for members of the immediate family to sit on low stools or boxes during the shiva period. Indeed, it is probable that this practice resulted in the expression “sitting shiva.” Many scholars cite Job 2:13, which says: “For seven days and seven nights they sat beside him on the ground.” Others trace it to II Samuel 13:31, in which King David is described as laying himself on the ground in grief. Still others hold that we sit on stools to be closer to the ground and thus, symbolically, to our loved ones.

Covering Mirrors: There is no universal halachic (Jewish legal) prescription for covering mirrors. Generally, mourners do not leave the home during shiva. Nor are they to shave, use makeup, or attempt to “look their best.” The custom of covering mirrors implicitly conveys to the grief-stricken individual that personal appearance simply does not matter now, removing any cause for embarrassment that mourners might feel.

Daily Prayers and Rituals

It is customary for a daily service, known as a shiva minyan, to be held usually in the late afternoon or early evening. This brief service allows the mourners to recite the Kaddish, the prayer recited in memory of the deceased. This can also be a time for publicly sharing memories of the deceased. Sometimes, the mourners gather together for a meal following the brief service.

The Meal of Condolence (S’udat Havraah)

At the beginning of shiva, there is a meal called s’udat havraah, a Hebrew term that refers to the first meal served to mourners in the house of mourning upon returning from the cemetery. The first mention of the s’udat havraah occurs in the Talmud, which directs that the first meal after burial of a loved one must be provided by friends.

The traditional meal of comfort usually includes lentils, hard-boiled eggs, and bread – all foods that in Judaism are associated with life. Eggs are an obvious symbol of life, and at the s’udat havraah, a time of grief, we eat hard-boiled eggs to affirm hope in the face of death. Bread is the staff of life in Judaism and is especially appropriate at a time of mourning.

Visiting During Shiva

The Jewish value of nichum aveilim, or comforting the mourner, refers to the historical obligation to visit the house of mourning during the shiva period. Jewish scholars see the condolence call as an ancient custom. The Talmud (Sotah 14a) teaches that consoling mourners was originally an act of God, citing Genesis 25:11: “After the death of Abraham, God brought blessing to Isaac his son.”

Modern Adaptations

While maintaining the essential elements of tradition, many families today adapt shiva practices to fit modern circumstances. Some may observe a shorter period, hold shiva in multiple locations for dispersed family members, or incorporate technology to include distant relatives. The key is preserving the spirit of the tradition—providing structure for grief, ensuring community support, and honoring the memory of the deceased.

The End of Shiva

Some Jews find it meaningful to follow a Jewish custom to mark the end of shiva: a walk around the block. This can tenderly symbolize mourners’ slow reentry into the outside world. Friends and family can accompany mourners on this walk as a show of support. Following shiva, the shloshim, a thirty-day period of mourning, continues until the morning service on the thirtieth day.