Writing a Letter of Condolence and Sympathy

When someone dies, finding the right words to say can be challenging. Writing a condolence letter can bring comfort to the bereaved and serve as a lasting tribute to the life of their loved one. A heartfelt letter can provide support when it is needed most and may even be kept and reread for years to come.

Steps to Write a Condolence Letter

1. Write the Letter by Hand

A handwritten letter is more personal and meaningful than a typed one or a store-bought card. Address the letter to the bereaved individual or the entire family.

2. Keep It Short and Simple

Your letter doesn’t need to be lengthy. A sincere and straightforward message can be deeply meaningful. Avoid worrying about saying the wrong thing; expressing care in a few simple words is always better than saying nothing at all.

3. Express Your Condolences

Acknowledge their loss and express your sympathy in a heartfelt way. Avoid focusing on how the person passed away. Here are a few examples:

• “I want you to know that I am sorry for your loss.”
• “It is with great sadness that I learned about the passing of [name].”
• “I was deeply saddened to hear about the passing of [name].”

4. Share a Memory

Including a fond memory of the deceased can bring a few moments of joy to the bereaved. Sharing a personal story about how the person positively impacted your life can be a comforting reminder of their legacy.

5. Offer Your Help and Support

If you are in a position to help, make a specific offer of assistance in your letter. Be sure to only promise what you can genuinely provide.

6. Close the Letter with Thoughtful Words

End your letter with a few kind words that convey your affection and support. Examples include:

• “My love and thoughts are with you.”
• “With my affection and deepest condolences.”
• “My sincere sympathy.”

Example Sympathy Letters

To Someone Experiencing the Loss of a Spouse

• “Your beautiful love story was an inspiration to all. Keeping [spouse’s name] in our hearts forever”
• “[Spouse’s name]’s sense of humor, generosity, and always positive attitude was a blessing to us all. He/she will forever be remembered and deeply missed. Please accept my sincere sympathies.”
• “When someone as special as your [husband/wife] passes, the grief feels unbearable. Just know his/her legacy will live on through the many lives he/she touched. Sending you infinite love.”

To the Family Who Has Lost a Child

“I was saddend to hear of your loss. [Name] was such a lovely [child/person] and will be dearly missed. If there is anything [I/we] can do, [I am/we are] only a phone call away.”

If you want to learn more on talking about the loss of a child with friends we recommend visiting The Compassionate Friends

To Someone Experiencing the Loss of a Sibling

• “Your [brother/sister] was a beautiful soul and an inspiration to all. I am always here for you. May their memory be a blessing.”
• “I am truly sorry to hear about the loss of your [brother/sister]. I will never forget his/her kindness and generosity.”
• “I was both shocked and saddened to hear about the loss of your [brother/sister]. He/she was an incredible friend and I know the best sibling anyone could ask for. Please accept my sincerest condolences for your loss.”

To the Family of a Colleague

I am writing on behalf of all [name’s] friends at [organization name] to express our sympathy at your sad loss. [Name] was a valued member of the team and contributed to the organization in many ways. Besides being an excellent worker, they were always good-humored and considerate towards colleagues. [Name] will be sadly missed by everyone at work. Our thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

To a Neighbor or Close Friend

Although we have spoken recently, I wanted to write and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. [Name] was such a special person that no words are really adequate. [He or she] brought pleasure to everyone [he or she] met and will be sadly missed. I am always here to talk if you would like. I’ll get in touch soon to see if I can make myself useful in any way.

What to Avoid

Do not make inappropriate comparisons:
“I know how you feel” or “I understand your pain” or “he/she is in a better place” may feel like the right thing to say, but it is best to avoid statements of comparison or empathy (stick to sympathy). It’s impossible to know how someone feels, even if you’ve gone through a similar situation. Doing so may make the person receiving the letter feel as though their experience is being belittled.

Do not rehash the loss. There is no need to dwell on the specifics of the decedent’s passing in your condolence message. Leave your statement at “I’m sorry Molly passed away.” Don’t allude to any circumstances surrounding the death as it will likely only cause more pain and sorrow.